Where is your diaper?

Do you know how many times a day I ask where is your diaper? Well I don't either because I keep losing count.  I have started working on potty training with #3 because she will not even be wet and bring me her diaper, not a new one but the one she was wearing.  Or she comes in completely butt naked laughing when I say go find your diaper.  After placing her on the potty she will sit for what seems like and eternity and nothing.  I then put the dry diaper back on her and she takes off. Not even 5 minutes later we are back at it.  I have tried putting pants on her, but she has learned to take those off too.  I am so frustrated because she just won't keep the diaper on or use the potty.  I naked baby wouldn't bother me if she would use the potty and not my floor as an unloading dock.  Well I will keep praying about it and know that one day maybe not soon, but one day she will be using the potty and my question will change from where's your diaper? to where's your underwear? just like I state to #2 just as much as I do the diaper question to #3.

Overcoming Fears and Leaving Memories

I have always wanted to journal, to write my feelings and say that was my opinion, but it has been a personal struggle of mine and a fear.  When anyone has ever suggested that I write down my feelings, I would started having anxiety what people would think about me if they found it and read it.

I didn't want people knowing how I felt and surely didn't want anyone to laugh at me.  It hurts when you pour out your intimate thoughts and feelings just to be told that it wasn't as bad as it could have been, or that was just silly thinking. 

Well I have come to a conclusion that I want my kids to know that its normal to feel this way and that its okay to let people see the vulnerable side of yourself.  I want them to know how Mom felt when different events had taken place changing our lives.  To be able to celebrate the amazing blessings that our Awesome God gives us.  I want them to be able to praise Him for the times where He carried us during our hardest times too.  If I never write it down then how will they every know about it or remember it. 

We all know that one day dementia will set in and I am surely not going to be able to remember it all.  Yes we will have photos but they only show snapshots of trips, they don't convey what you were feeling when you watched your little girl take her first steps, or your son walking over the hill taking a hike with daddy.  When you hear your oldest child witnessing to her brother about how you need to have Jesus in your heart or see another child comforting their hurt sibling.    These are all things that are forever caught in your memories and need to be expressed by writing about them.  So that is what I am going to do.  I am going to write for my kids, for my family, for the future generations to be able to look back and see what we have done with our lives.

It won't be easy and I most likely won't be consistent to write everyday, but life brings busy times and it brings slow times.  When I can, I will write and hopefully one day I will be able to share all of my feelings without fear, the first step is starting and that is what I have done. The next step is to keep my goal in-mind despite what my critics might think.  This is not for everyone else this is for my husband and kids.  I love you all and will try my hardest to overcome this fear of expressing myself in away that the world can see and read. 

Counting your Blessings

So I have been wondering why is it that so many people either build you up or knock you down when you decide to have more than 2 kids.  Oh its stretching it to have 3 kids and having 4 is almost unheard of these days.  We have 3 wonderful blessings and want to have another baby, but every time we talk to family about it they pretty much say we are crazy and that we should stop while we are ahead.  But our friends and church family are all very supportive and say that children are a blessing from God and that we should have more if we feel that's what God wants us to do. 

Well I have really been praying about this and have come to the conclusion: No one has ever told me that they wished they would have stopped having kids before they had that last one.  However I have had many parents state that they wish they would have had at least one more child.  So in this whole process of trying to decided if we are to have another child, or shall I say blessing, we are leaving it in the Lords hands.  As for everyone else and their opinions I will place that with the Lord too.  I am praying that everyone will be happy and supportive of us having another baby when the time comes and that we will all be able to praise God for pouring out his blessings on us and seeing us fit to train another child in the way they should go.  

What to do about school?

I have been really struggling with what to do for schooling for about 5 years now.  Yes if anyone is counting that would be all the way back to when #1 was born.  See I have my education degree and can teach students from birth-3rd grade, but have been struggling with the question of what approach we are going to take.  It has been with much prayer and personal conviction that my husband and I have felt homeschooling is our best option. 

BUT, and this is a major BUT, I really didn't know how difficult it would be with a child that is very strong-willed, talkative, and distractable.  Okay so enough about the child, lets really get to the heart of the problem: Mom is lazy, distractable, unorganized, and easily angered when not getting her way.  OK! I will say it I am controlling!   So I have really been praying about this and said, "Lord if you want me to do this you will have to make the way."  So whats He do?  #1 has asked for over a week about getting back on schedule with schooling.  So I put her off by, "saying not right now honey," "we will get to it later."  This is the way that almost everything happens with her, it has to be her idea and on her timing. 

So this week we have started back on track with homeschooling and its going wonderful.  Now this is only one day back but none the less we got done what I felt needed done.  #1 was very excited when I showed her what we were doing, 100 Easy Lessons to Read by Siegfried Engelmann. I have had a number of people tell me they have used this with their kids and achieved great success.  Well this is the 5th time that we are trying it because I would get frustrated and end up irritated at #1 and stop.  It was not fair to her and I didn't want to suck the fun out of learning so I just stopped teaching with it.  Well I actually showed her what we were using the book for and she simply stated, "I didn't know that was why we were doing this."  I know your probably thinging, Jee Mom shouldn't you have at least told her what your expectation was?  Yes, and I did and she is excited about it now and looks forward to doing it each day.

So I guess I have already learned that I need to take a different approach to schooling than I would if I were to teach in a classroom with the community schools.  I need to let her know why we are doing things for she needs to see the big picture before we start, I need to tell her the steps and then guide her on each one, and I need to keep her on task without getting upset she is talking a mile a minute.  This all put into perspective has made me realize that #1 will excel at home schooling if I change my approach as opposed to make her conform to my teaching style.